The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
