i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she peed on how many people?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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