my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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