You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
