ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
