We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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