Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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