Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
