his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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