just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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