It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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