I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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