Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
