dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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