how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
