oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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