At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
