This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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