Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
