DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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