And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
