kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize