the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
