you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
