More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
