whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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