Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
where are you?
Hypothermia
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I am one with the molecules
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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