my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
