everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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