i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
