i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
