I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
