do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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