just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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