he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
