I'm going to jail i love you
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
