your parents love me but you hate me
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
