Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't deserve a penis
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
