so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
