I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
