I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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