nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
