There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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