I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
