If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
When are your genitals available?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize