Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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