Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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