So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
