You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
