i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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