So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
