Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
