I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
