I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
