I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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