Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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