Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
