Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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