Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
