suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
