Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
