no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I need to sanitize my soul.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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