I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
