Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
